Day one... Week 2...

My offical weigh-in for the first week... 7.2 lbs down!  That was just adjusting my food, I hadn't even started dealing with exercise...  But I know that if I'm working out, I have no desire to eat poorly, because it would just negate all the hard work I had done.  So, today is day one of adding in my workouts...

Zumba just kicked my butt!!  Wow... am I really this out of shape?!?  When did that happen?  I feel like I'm 300 lbs heavier and 50 years older, not that I know any women who are over 500 lbs and 83 yrs old... but you know what I'm saying.
The funny thing is, I'm not discouraged.  It is just more motivation that I needed and it is a lot of fun. Of course, the fact my calves are burning more than Chicago with a flaming cow, is a slight hinderance.  I only hope that I can make it up and down the stairs to shower off all of this sweat.  haha

Hears to a great day of kicking my butt's butt!   Happy Monday!

...long story, not so short...

Let me take you back a few years... Brandon and I joined the Million Pound Match-Up, which was an online group/competition spawned from Biggest Loser.  We did AMAZING together, we were working out together every morning and eating healthy meals TOGETHER.  We both started rapidly dropping weight, it was the most fantastic feeling that we were doing this as a team.  I built a strong group of friends (along with my life long best freind, Rachel) via MPMU, many of which I still interact with and even join in on weightloss challenges with currently ( ahem...Jen & Meg)...  

I had reached a loss of  almost 40 lbs and he was right around the same... we were rocking it!!  This was all in a matter of about 8 weeks.  And then the unthinkable happened...  (no, nobody died, lost a limb or was diagnosed with some crazy disease)... we were contacted by a casting director for Biggest Loser... SERIOUSLY!!  I thought it was a joke for the first few days, I just couldn't believe that we could possibly have that opportunity together.

Once it was established that this indeed WAS legit and we set up our interview  with the casting directors in Chicago, it got REAL... and we were gently advised that we might want to slow down on our weightloss and just maintain so that if we were chosen, we'd still have good losses onthe show.  Makes sense, right?!? 

...BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER...

So, we waited and waited and maintained, and waited... the day that the winning contestants were to be chosen came and went.  Nothing... no call, no email, no Ed McMann standing at the door, we had not been chosen...and with that our drive, our flow, our whole ambition flew out the window...

We maintained for several months and were okay with that.  It would have been fantastic to lose weight, but "meh, I'll do it later"... I just didn't care.  I hated being fat, but I was used to it, I've been in this body my whole life and it has never been thin.

The next striking blow came when the new season of Biggest Loser started.  It seriously ANGERED me to watch it at times.  I wanted so badly to have that opportunity to have 100% focus on my weightloss that the pissiness and hurt feelings that I weren't chosen were destroying the progress I had made.  Instead of using the show as motivation, as it should have been, I was spiteful that if I was picked I would have lost that much weight by now.  Instead I started packing it back on... little by little chip by chip...

A few months later, my husband was laid off from his job.  not a lay-off you come back from in a week, or a month... and indefinite lay-off which was his comany's way of saying... "it was nice, but don't hold your breath waiting for a call back". 
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By the end of  the stint of  living off of unemployment and ramn noodles (you think I'm joking, don't you?!?)He was brought back on 16 months later,  through a temp service making significantly less than he had been for the same job.  His weight was right back where he started and I was... well ::BEYOND::  I was not only back up to where I was before MPMU... I was 20 lbs over...

I was devistated....  and managed to slowlly drop 10 of it, literally over the course of 6 months.   Depression was not a good companion, not a chum to have by my side and I felt it growing more and more over the course of the last years but figured I could snap myself out of it... yah, right!  So, that brings us up to date... I am 5 weeks into dealing with my depression and I feel like a different person...  I feel like I have a life worth living and even caring about again.  I don't break into tears at the drop of a hat... but I could if I needed to.  It's a HUGE change...  What more perfect way could there be to start this journey anew?  A new spring in my step, a REAL smile on face, and a fire burning so strong that I can't help but to succeed. 

So, 5 days after this new journey of weightloss, I am happy to say I am 6 pounds down... SIX! :)  I am counting calories and making sure I keep all of my intake in check, i.e., fat, sodium, etc...   I need to add the REAL exercise in, not just chores around the house, but at least I'm moving even more than I was six weeks ago. 

Beyond my weightloss, today has held an extra great gift for me...  While looking through some success stories via before and after pics on My Food Diary . I happened across a guy who was around the same starting weight as were my husband is.  I know my husband DOESN'T have to join me, but my oh my, is it much easier when you've got a partner on the journey...   When he saw the guy's progress he was wowed.  I think that is one of the best motivations you can have, seeing some one who was built like you when they started, being successful...  He's in... We are on this journey together again and I couldn't be happier.    I've got that extra wind back in my sails by having him at my side in this.

...the last first day...

okay, so how many time have you started a dieting, eating healthy and/or exercising after letting your body roam free and graze on the fields of horrible food choices or  sit comfortably in the lap of a sedentary lifestyle. That first day of getting into things, knowing "this is the first day... I'm only going to get better from this point".   Well... that is my TODAY... and I'm sick of having hundreds of these first days...  I am ready to be done!  I want to get things under control once and for all.  not to think that I am NEVER going to get off track or struggle, but I'm sick of the DAY ONE after letting myself get so far off track. 

I feel with the medicinal help I've been receiving, this is a possibility.  I don't feel as though I've got as far to dig out of this hole, I don't feel like there is an anvil tied to my ankle pulling me down... I feel (AND KNOW) that  I can do this.  I think that the depression has had me in such a deep "funk" that no matter how much I wanted to get things under control and in order, it wasn't going to happen without first dealing with the "UGGGGGG" that my body, mind and spirit have been crushed under.

I have a plan in place and I'm ready!!!!  I'm not willy-nilly... I'm not doing this half way.  I'm taking control.     This is it... ready to begin again... ready to make it last... ready to finally overcome this body that I've been lugging around...    HERE'S TO ME!!!  I deserve this, I'm worth this... It is utterly, amazing how you can get to the point where you aren't even a priority in your own life, and I know that was where I was. 

...it's me time...

... Holy Guacamole ...

What's all this talk about religious avocados??  ;)  I am a blog slacker... it is official.  Once again, good thing that I've only shared with a select few... whew... They already know I suck!  haha

So, here we are already a month into the New Year... 2011...  What do you have in store for me year??  Better yet, what do I have in store for the year... I like that better!!!  What?  A control freak you say, possibly, but at least I've got a handle on it.

So...  There have been some very positive changes so far this year.  I finally got my butt in to see my doctor and FINALLY after much much much ado (and a HUGE gap of not having any type of insurance) confronted the fact that I was dealing with depression.  I feel it had to be pretty obvious to everyone, even though I think I've always been pretty good with my game face.  I just don't think that it is something you can really hide after a while.  and it had been a looooong while.

I am now 2 weeks into my Rx and am loving the change I feel already.  I know it is corny and abundantly cliche but I really feel like "I've got ME back"... :)  It's a new day... a new month, of the new year... ahhh... the New "Old" Me. 

It is the wee hours of the morning right now, the munchkins are off to school and hubby is watching his morning cartoons (you think I'm joking?).  Coffee in hand, fuzzy slippers hugging my tootsies, and I've got a whole productive day ahead of me.  Sadly, it's still winter and I'm going to have to fake the sunrise for myself so I don't feel like it is still night... enjoy it with me now....  (Ahh... can't you feel the simulated rays beaming onto your face?)  Um, yup... neither can I... dang! 

 
On that note.  Off to be productive... warm thoughts that this bitter chill will soon be over.